[To be fair, those are legitimate thoughts about Ryan - or at least, they're things Ryan's thought about himself and expects other people to assume. Maybe he wouldn't have been struggling for gas money if he was more financially responsible. Maybe if he took better care of himself he wouldn't have crashed and burned so hard. Maybe if he'd just...been better, things would gone better.
He shakes his head.]
I mean, it's not like kids would've done it on purpose. And they didn't! It was pretty fun! It went fine, so it should be fine! It's just...I dunno. Feelings hangover? Is that a real thing?
[It's the best way he can think to describe it. Everything's fine but he still feels gross, for what he still thinks of as no discernable reason. Months ago he would have just pushed harder and tried even more aggressively to act like he's okay, doing anything he could to push through without actually addressing it.
Addressing it sucks. But...at least he's with Min. Ryan forces up a very small laugh, pulls one leg up in the chair and...tells Min a story.]
The last time I played a party, it was like...a big college house party. Like, the kind you see in movies. They just stuck in in a corner of a crowded room to play, and I don't think anyone looked at me all night. No one even clapped, man. I was basically a ghost.
[And for someone who craves attention and validation and the energy of others the way Ryan does, it was maybe the worst show of his life.]
Guess what they paid me? [A beat, for Min to guess. Whether or not he does, Ryan will give him the answer.] $30 and a case of beer. That's it. So like, this went so much better than that.
no subject
He shakes his head.]
I mean, it's not like kids would've done it on purpose. And they didn't! It was pretty fun! It went fine, so it should be fine! It's just...I dunno. Feelings hangover? Is that a real thing?
[It's the best way he can think to describe it. Everything's fine but he still feels gross, for what he still thinks of as no discernable reason. Months ago he would have just pushed harder and tried even more aggressively to act like he's okay, doing anything he could to push through without actually addressing it.
Addressing it sucks. But...at least he's with Min. Ryan forces up a very small laugh, pulls one leg up in the chair and...tells Min a story.]
The last time I played a party, it was like...a big college house party. Like, the kind you see in movies. They just stuck in in a corner of a crowded room to play, and I don't think anyone looked at me all night. No one even clapped, man. I was basically a ghost.
[And for someone who craves attention and validation and the energy of others the way Ryan does, it was maybe the worst show of his life.]
Guess what they paid me? [A beat, for Min to guess. Whether or not he does, Ryan will give him the answer.] $30 and a case of beer. That's it. So like, this went so much better than that.