[They feel... love. Unrepressed now there's nothing else left to hide from themself.
They aren't so sure of their plan now that it actually comes down to it though. They don't feel like Min anymore. Not completely. And they're not sure they can keep themself together if they try too hard to be him.]
Let's see...
[They look at themself in the mirror, then look away again. It feels easier to get distracted than it was before.
Maybe they can compromise. They've been together their whole lives. Ryan's seen so much of Min's life even if he's never lived it.
They think back to the times they've spent alone together, Min casting secretive glances at Ryan, knowing that he shouldn't. It had happened so many times over the years. Back in high school while Ryan showed off in recess. On the train until Kez inevitably interrupted. While they were supposed to be sleeping in some dingy motel room or the back of Ryan's van. Min had always felt a deep sense of longing, but had held back on fully acknowledging what it was.
They remember the times that Ryan had been allowed to stay over for dinner with the Parks. How Min's mother had beamed with pride when he'd clear away the plates without her asking, telling him what a good boy he was. How lucky his wife would be. They remember the excitement in her eyes for her son's future marriage, and the clawing dread of the inevitable. The guilt. How much Min-Gi wished he could live up to that, but already knew it was never going to make him happy.
Some memories creep in where he was alone. (Was their mind always this scattered?) Overheard comments on the street or in the diner. Not about him, of course. Min-Gi worked so hard to make sure no one would ever say things like that about him. They remember Min lying awake in the dead of night, willing his mind to change somehow. They remember reading the hated article. Almost sixteen and desperate to believe he wouldn't feel this way forever.
They can feel themselves at risk of breaking them apart again, so they stop, taking a steadying breath as they look back in the mirror. They aren't Min-Gi. Not completely. They reach inside, searching for the other part of them.]
no subject
They aren't so sure of their plan now that it actually comes down to it though. They don't feel like Min anymore. Not completely. And they're not sure they can keep themself together if they try too hard to be him.]
Let's see...
[They look at themself in the mirror, then look away again. It feels easier to get distracted than it was before.
Maybe they can compromise. They've been together their whole lives. Ryan's seen so much of Min's life even if he's never lived it.
They think back to the times they've spent alone together, Min casting secretive glances at Ryan, knowing that he shouldn't. It had happened so many times over the years. Back in high school while Ryan showed off in recess. On the train until Kez inevitably interrupted. While they were supposed to be sleeping in some dingy motel room or the back of Ryan's van. Min had always felt a deep sense of longing, but had held back on fully acknowledging what it was.
They remember the times that Ryan had been allowed to stay over for dinner with the Parks. How Min's mother had beamed with pride when he'd clear away the plates without her asking, telling him what a good boy he was. How lucky his wife would be. They remember the excitement in her eyes for her son's future marriage, and the clawing dread of the inevitable. The guilt. How much Min-Gi wished he could live up to that, but already knew it was never going to make him happy.
Some memories creep in where he was alone. (Was their mind always this scattered?) Overheard comments on the street or in the diner. Not about him, of course. Min-Gi worked so hard to make sure no one would ever say things like that about him. They remember Min lying awake in the dead of night, willing his mind to change somehow. They remember reading the hated article. Almost sixteen and desperate to believe he wouldn't feel this way forever.
They can feel themselves at risk of breaking them apart again, so they stop, taking a steadying breath as they look back in the mirror. They aren't Min-Gi. Not completely. They reach inside, searching for the other part of them.]
I'm sorry. I know it's messed up.