[It's a relief that Ryan seems to be listening to him now. That he seems to understand him. It means he can relax, if only a little.]

It does scare me. Of course it scares me. I tried so hard not to...

[But this isn't about him. Or at least it's not just about him. He cuts himself off with a bittersweet laugh, edging closer to Ryan now that he isn't so angry.]

I don't know how to do this, Ryan. I just need you to know you didn't ruin anything.